I have had a great weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I miss my husband and son. Doug and Scotty have been in FL since Thursday and they come home tomorrow.

I'm thrilled to see them, but I feel as though I have made some sort of break through. Sara and I bonded. We had real mommy and daughter time...just like I used to do with Stephie.
For the last nine and a half months, I wanted nothing to do with shopping, dancing, playing, tickling, reading to, feeding, or anything that involved my kids. My "mommy mode" was on pause.

But, this weekend I did all of those things. And...I loved it. Again.

Now, there are many things I can attribute this to:

• I have an amazing husband who has let me take the last nine months "off"
• My kids knew I loved them everyday...even though I don't feel as though I showed it enough
• I've been in therapy-once a week-since the end of November and I LOVE my therapist
• My new psychiatrist has changed my meds and they really seem to be working
• I have the most amazing friends a woman could EVER ask for
• Someone from my family calls me at least once a day
• I am working a 4 day work week in order to "heal" a little more
• I am dancing again! (thanks Stephanie)
• I am working out and eating better
• And, last but not least, I feel as though I have told my story...finally.

I did. It sucked, it gave me a migraine for two days, I cried for hours, days...again. But, somehow I feel stronger now. Somewhere deep down, I feel as though I may have made a difference. I'm right, damn it! And I screamed it as loud as I could. Then, I went out and drank and laughed with my friends until I cried (again). But this time, I cried because I was genuniely happy for a couple hours.

You know what...I don't feel guilty about that anymore either.

There is not one hour of any day I don't think, remember, imagine, or cry about my Stephanie. But maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to walk through the fog a little easier now.

But remember...I have good family, friends and new drugs to help!